I'm Concerned About Your Symptoms

Typically on a delightful spring day you can find me anywhere but here, sitting in a sterile, patient packed room waiting for my name to be called. I pride myself having a healthy lifestyle in my midlife adventure; hiking, backpacking and watching what I eat. A chronic cough is the culprit why I’m sitting waiting for treatment, thinking a quick fix at an urgent care first but then heading straight to the emergency room because they are concerned about my symptoms.

How did I get here? The scale is a good beginning of my awareness having that number surprise me how abundant I’ve been living. I try to live a good, natural lifestyle but it may have caught up with me.

Here I am.

A hurried distressed couple moved past me, a gruff, hoarse-sounding, bearded, unwell man belittling his pregnant woman displaying his displeasure being here.

Living this long I am aware of some choices I made (love sugar) and justifying my behavior (just one more piece of cake) could result in why I am sitting here.

Am I willing to accept the responsibility?

It is discerning to see the convalescent suffering looking for the same help and struggling with the idea that I am among them.

A young, thin girl displaying a glittery PINK message on her back, trotting in house slippers trailing her lanky, young, ailing boyfriend talking on his cell phone, searching for someone to come to their aid.

Amongst the ill in this level 1 city emergency room, a few of the worn shuffling about looking for some direction and the general public of the ailing looking for immediate medical attention. 

The whole experience is heightened by code blue alerts and church-is-in-session announcements heard over the intercom.

I search to understand this methodical feeling of an evolution, thriving, hustling, bustling get-together of people accepting this as a run-of-the-mill part of their daily routine.

Am I one of them?

Am I next?

These situations call for a reflection of some sort, doesn’t it? Become a vegetarian? Lose a few pounds? I noticed the rules have changed since arriving to this point of my life. The energy level is not what it was 20 years ago as my food intake gathers around my hips and not those skinny legs I remember.

So what am I learning from this experience? My body calls for the individual attention like an older woman having to face the second part of her life. Certain foods can’t be digested like it once did; my stomach is not 20 years old. Am I too busy? My thought process feels very young but it doesn’t match my aging body.

People shuffling along in one door out the other, clustering, rebelling, consoling and disoriented. We all have a common thread.

I want to be next!

I come from the belief that if you take care of yourself with a good lifestyle and a regular routine doctor visit then there is no a need for an emergency room visit.

Am I next?

What am I taking away from this experience? A reality check. A gratitude list.

• When you’re here long enough and tired of waiting, you start to mingle with interesting people having an insightful conversation. We have more in common then I thought!
• I noticed a hungry patient having a problem with the vending machine accepting her bill and someone offering their debit card to complete the purchase.
• A friendly conversation started when someone wanted to exit a locked security door and another came to her rescue.
• Giving up my seat offered me a chance to feel helpful.
• This has given me a chance to blog this experience when I haven’t been inspired to write lately.
• A chance to feel the gratitude seeing others in worse situations then I am.
• Consoling each other how much time we have to wait and listening with compassion.
• Finding humor in having to wait to see how much longer after questioning to see how many people are ahead of me.
• A young father sharing pictures of his babies.
• A sincere announcement…. “Sorry about your wait”. A compassionate voice to a sterile atmosphere.

The results are in. It took 7 hours of waiting to be told that I’m spending a night for observation. 

Haven’t I seen it all? 

I have a better understanding of life from having this experience.

In this world there are basically kind people doing the best they can with what they have been given.  

It broadened my understanding of the variety of souls it takes to make the world go around and it heightened my awareness to take better care of myself, no matter how old I am.